Pea baby,
That's what we call you since that's what size you were when I first found out about you. I've known about you for 4 weeks, but today (thanksgiving) i finally told my Dad's side of the family. They were shocked and thrilled. You have plenty of people waiting to love you kid. Me and your dad are on rough ground at the moment, but everything will be sorted out for the best by the time you get here. I promise. I'm looking forward to meeting you, but I'm also terrified something will go wrong. The next 7 months will be the longest of my life, but I'm looking forward to them. Stay healthy lil pea baby.
Love,
Your cautiously ecstatic mom
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Going solo
I was born to be a Mom. I know that's horribly anti-feminist of me to say, but it's always been true. I have a gift with children. I always have. I was the five-year-old babysitting the three-year-old, the teenager that babysat every weekend, the young adult that worked at babies R us. When I was diagnosed with cancer at 21 they knew it might cause fertility problems. We did what we could mitigate the risk, but they told me that I needed to have kids sooner rather than later as the chemotherapy might cause me to go in to early menopause. At 21 you still have time to meet the right guy, so while it was in the back of my mind, I wasn't concerned.
At 24 I met what I thought was the love of my life. I was wrong and it cost me three years. During those years, at 25, I had a stroke. Likely a result of the birth control pills I was on, this made pregnancy that much more dangerous.
Now 27 I felt the pressure of that earlier warning. Kids sooner rather than later, or maybe I'd lose the ability all together. I started to feel the pressure. That's when I met E. I knew immediately he'd be important, and maybe made that a self fulfilling prophecy. Our relationship has been tumultuous at best, plagued by bad timing, but there were good times too. Times when we felt like a family. And that's when I was given the opportunity to choose to be a mom. I took it. My end road is still undefined, whether I'll parent as a part of a family, split custody, or go it entirely alone is still to be determined. And it's scary, but it's also thrilling because I know that at the end of this road there will be a child. And I will be a mom, so whatever else may come I will get to be everything I've always wanted.
At 24 I met what I thought was the love of my life. I was wrong and it cost me three years. During those years, at 25, I had a stroke. Likely a result of the birth control pills I was on, this made pregnancy that much more dangerous.
Now 27 I felt the pressure of that earlier warning. Kids sooner rather than later, or maybe I'd lose the ability all together. I started to feel the pressure. That's when I met E. I knew immediately he'd be important, and maybe made that a self fulfilling prophecy. Our relationship has been tumultuous at best, plagued by bad timing, but there were good times too. Times when we felt like a family. And that's when I was given the opportunity to choose to be a mom. I took it. My end road is still undefined, whether I'll parent as a part of a family, split custody, or go it entirely alone is still to be determined. And it's scary, but it's also thrilling because I know that at the end of this road there will be a child. And I will be a mom, so whatever else may come I will get to be everything I've always wanted.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)